Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Today

It’s one of those days.

One of those days when I feel like I just can’t. Okay, not so much that I “can’t” as much as I don’t want to.

We woke up and it was raining, and I had the disillusioned thought “What a perfect school day. We’ll cuddle up on the couch read lots of books, have great discussion, draw some, do a few crafts, maybe watch an educational movie…. a perfect day.” Apparently I was expecting too much. Of all of us.

Lexa climbed into bed with me at around 6:50, we cuddled for nearly 30 minutes until Treyton woke up. It was a nice time for us, something that doesn’t happen often enough.

I got the kids breakfast and we cleaned the house, things were still good. At about 9:30 we decided to start some school, and that’s when things started going downhill. Audrey was crying unless I was holding her (which isn’t really like her). Alexa was whining over every little thing (which is normal these days), a book tipped over, her mosquito bite hurt, her hair was in her face, Treyton touched her, she couldn’t sit on my lap because Audrey was…. the list could go on. Treyton was to put it mildly, extremely distracted (not sure why, ha ha) and unable to complete the most simple of tasks – he could barely tell me what color green was during our Daily Board time.

After nearly an hour of this, it got to be too much. Even our simpler subjects like art/drawing were a challenge to complete. So at 11:00, I called it quits. We are done with school for the day.

I am now hiding in my bedroom. Audrey is laying my lap, whining and sucking her thumb. Treyton and Lexie are fighting over the window clinging men in the living room. I’ve managed to even fail at hiding!!

So now, I’m sitting here wondering “why”? Why am I doing this? Am I doing my children more harm than good by having them home? Am I doing the best thing homeschooling our children?

Perhaps I should clarify here – I really believe in what we’re doing, and most days it’s worth far more than any sacrifice on my part. But not today, it doesn’t feel worth it today. Today I just feel burnt out and flustered. Today, I want to take the easy way out. I want to give up.

I’ll be honest, I don’t want to hit publish on this post, I’m worried that somehow I’ll end up regretting it later, but I suppose I will – my mom sometimes reminds me that my blog can at times make me seem “perfect” so I guess I’ll allow this post to remind you all. I am not perfect, our school is not perfect, our family is not perfect. This isn’t always easy for me and it isn’t always pretty. Sometimes it’s hard, and sometimes it’s really really hard.

That’s today.

“The Lord is exalted, for he dwells on high; He will fill Zion with justice and righteousness, and he will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom and knowledge; fear of the Lord is Zion’s treasure.” Isaiah 33:5-6

He will get me through this, and I pray that tomorrow will be better.

13 comments:

Jamie said...

Hi,new reader here.I have been there and still do have those moments but just remember the joy of homescholling is you can stop and start whenever you need to.I have learned that when I stress my son does to.They smell fear!!!!!!
Blessings~
Jump over to my blog I just posted about going through the same.

Rebecca said...

Ummm...are you sure you weren't at my house today???

Katie said...

I am on day 3 of homeschooling preschool for my one child, and I'm already burnt out and wondering if I made the right choice. In my heart I know I have, and that we will work the kinks out. I even planned for kinks, by having this week before we start our "curriculum" next week. I guess I just hoped we wouldn't need it. It's nice to now I'm not alone in these feelings and that it's not a typical day.

Kris said...

Yea I believe you were at my house today! Although we havent started actual homeschooling yet since we are in the process of closing on our home, things are all crazy right now...I have 3 kids also 5,3, and 1 and I love them to death but there are days when like you I want to give up but then I get this huge moment of IT WONT ALWAYS BE THIS WAY, they will grow up and you will know the true reasons you homeschooled because they will tell you how much they loved it...Keep your head up, we SAHM have those days alot...also I have a blog Homeschooling Momma3 come check it out mommahomeschooling3.blogspot.com

Tara said...

I honestly don't know how you home school and then you don't even take summers off? My third grader has a work book and he is supposed to do one chapter a week in it. It has been like pulling teeth all summer long. Last summer I made him do a journal and it was the same thing. Kids are different around their parents than they are their teachers. It must be so hard to be both. I give you a lot of credit.

April said...

Oh yeah! We have days like that. There are days I fantasize about watching the big yellow school bus come and take all three of my children away for a bliss filled 8 hours.
And then I remember why I do what I do. And I pick up and move on. These days when your children are so young (and so demanding on your time and nerves) will go by so fast. It is only for a season.

Kim said...

Oh, I think we all have days like that!! Certainly I do. And as homeschooling moms, I think we all expect perfection of ourselves. We can't be perfect all the time though...You are an amazing mom and teacher, and tomorrow WILL be better!

Grace Wheeler said...

Thanks for the honesty! So refeshing! I've been there...many times!!!

Alexis said...

Hope it makes you feel better to know everyone has those kind of days!! You KNOW we did!!

I had great expectations for "school" today, too. But Shayla not so much. And she is telling me that sun starts with /f/ !!!!! We both know she knows better - so we but it all away too!!!

Oh, have been meaning to ask you - on your letter M post you said something about sight words in ETC but I haven't run across anything about sight words - where are they? And if they are not in the book what words do you suggest I start with - the, and, it, is????

Briana said...

I have one of those days at least once a week!

Faith said...

First of all I just wanted to say how much I love reading your blog. You are such an inspiration! Next, we have ALL been there! Don't let anyone fool you... When we have days where nothing seems to be going well, we simply stop-period. Sometimes just a change of scenery for the day really does wonders. Just pack everyone up in the car and go nowhere! Go for a walk in the woods- anything! And of course, we pray that tomorrow will go much better! Chin up!

Monica said...

Hey girl, I've been there most days for the last 2 years ... I almost gave up trying to teach my daughter how to read. She's 7 now and we have better days. So hang in there and know you can close the books some days and wait 'til tomorrow. Thus, the joy of homeschooling. God's mercies are NEW every day!
Monica

Sadie said...

I have days like that every so often. When I get burned out. When their moods affect my mood which make me stress and of course makes them more moody....and I wonder if it is all worth it. But it is and then we have good days and I remember why I do what I do...