It’s one of those days.
One of those days when I feel like I just can’t. Okay, not so much that I “can’t” as much as I don’t want to.
We woke up and it was raining, and I had the disillusioned thought “What a perfect school day. We’ll cuddle up on the couch read lots of books, have great discussion, draw some, do a few crafts, maybe watch an educational movie…. a perfect day.” Apparently I was expecting too much. Of all of us.
Lexa climbed into bed with me at around 6:50, we cuddled for nearly 30 minutes until Treyton woke up. It was a nice time for us, something that doesn’t happen often enough.
I got the kids breakfast and we cleaned the house, things were still good. At about 9:30 we decided to start some school, and that’s when things started going downhill. Audrey was crying unless I was holding her (which isn’t really like her). Alexa was whining over every little thing (which is normal these days), a book tipped over, her mosquito bite hurt, her hair was in her face, Treyton touched her, she couldn’t sit on my lap because Audrey was…. the list could go on. Treyton was to put it mildly, extremely distracted (not sure why, ha ha) and unable to complete the most simple of tasks – he could barely tell me what color green was during our Daily Board time.
After nearly an hour of this, it got to be too much. Even our simpler subjects like art/drawing were a challenge to complete. So at 11:00, I called it quits. We are done with school for the day.
I am now hiding in my bedroom. Audrey is laying my lap, whining and sucking her thumb. Treyton and Lexie are fighting over the window clinging men in the living room. I’ve managed to even fail at hiding!!
So now, I’m sitting here wondering “why”? Why am I doing this? Am I doing my children more harm than good by having them home? Am I doing the best thing homeschooling our children?
Perhaps I should clarify here – I really believe in what we’re doing, and most days it’s worth far more than any sacrifice on my part. But not today, it doesn’t feel worth it today. Today I just feel burnt out and flustered. Today, I want to take the easy way out. I want to give up.
I’ll be honest, I don’t want to hit publish on this post, I’m worried that somehow I’ll end up regretting it later, but I suppose I will – my mom sometimes reminds me that my blog can at times make me seem “perfect” so I guess I’ll allow this post to remind you all. I am not perfect, our school is not perfect, our family is not perfect. This isn’t always easy for me and it isn’t always pretty. Sometimes it’s hard, and sometimes it’s really really hard.
“The Lord is exalted, for he dwells on high; He will fill Zion with justice and righteousness, and he will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom and knowledge; fear of the Lord is Zion’s treasure.” Isaiah 33:5-6
He will get me through this, and I pray that tomorrow will be better.